Ben, The Zombie Slayer

Tonight we were having a party at Nate & Ashleigh's house. We didn't have very many trick-or-treaters. Just after 9pm, the doorbell rang. I got up with the bowl of candy to answer the door. When I opened, two adults dressed in zombie costumes barged in the door hissing and growling and yelling "beer or brains!" They almost pushed me backwards over the couch. Holding onto a bowl of candy, doesn't make you the most stable or gravity-centered person. With the makeup on, we were all trying to figure out if we knew these people. We didn't, and the dogs were going nuts. We told them we didn't have any beer, they grabbed a glass bottle from the coffee table and took off. When we realized the bottle was missing, Brad opened the door and saw that they were gone, and the glass bottle was smashed on the front step by the sidewalk.

That was it. I was pissed.

I flew out the door and walked up the street in one direction, with Matt and Brad going in the other direction looking for them. A neighbor said they saw people running down the street. But we couldn't find them and started walking back to the house, but then we saw them crossing the street about four houses down. I took off after them full speed, and Arwen (my pit bull princess) followed me out the door. Matt was going to come have my back, but he had to grab Arwen from running out in the street cause there was a car coming. When I got to within about 30 feet of them, still running ramming speed, they both freaked out and one hissed at me like a scared cat. I let go a stream of "pirate language" and almost clocked the dude (I was really mad). The woman was really afraid that I ran after them, and they both were trying to keep their distance from me. She started apologizing and said the bottle slipped out of her hand when she tried to run. I said that if it was an accident, then she needs to come back and clean it up. She said "no way, you're crazy" and then they both took off up the street.

Moral of the story: don't barge into a stranger's party, steal something, smash it on their steps, and run away like scared adolescents.

Because I will find you. And you won't like it when I do.