Here is a list of things that couples do that is annoying:
8) Morph into One Person
My friend claimed she was a Blackhawks fan when we first met. Then she started dating my buddy (a Blues fan - like me).
I'm sorry, Chicago, but us St Louisians don't like your teams. Other than the Red Wings, you Blackhawks are the scourge of the earth.
But, lo and behold, after a few months of dating my friend, this Blackhawks fan became a Blues fan - emotional about the Blues just like us.
Nevermind that she was not in St Louis when Mike Keenan gave away our best players, never saw the old arena implode, can't name even 3 of the 14 Blues players to be inducted into the NHL Hall of Fame, and she even thinks the home jerseys look "cute". Nevermind she has never heard, or seen footage, of the Tim Cheveldae vs Curtis Joseph goalie fight in 1992.
Oh, we'll just let her walk in and be a Blues fan, with all the benefits and no experience in the pain and trauma that the rest of us have been through.
I'm not even bitter as a single guy - I'm bitter as a Blues fan. Of course, people will change, and that's good. But why not just keep your team and have a friendly/fun rivalry? OK, I have to stop talking about it. I'm getting annoyed.
7) Become a Package Deal
Soup is my favorite food. Restaurants always think that I want bread with soup. So they don't ask if I want only soup, and even when I request only soup, the bread shows up anyway. Some couples annoyingly become soup and bread.
The classic example is on the e-vite: "Mike and I will be there!" Can't people just reply for themselves? And if one person does happen to venture out from the mothership of the union, they tend to act lost without the other one there.
6) Touch Each Other in Front of Me
When you're going at it hard-core, you gross me out. When you're cuddling and smiling, holding hands, you're just flaunting what I don't have. Stop it.
5) Walk Really, Really, Really Slowly on the Sidewalk
Maybes it's a STL thing, but when I'm walking, I'm trying to get from point A to point B as fast as possible. Why do couples walk so slow together?
Perhaps they are "smelling the roses," lost in their own little world of felicity. But they don't realize there are angry (single) people trying to get around them. And they also don't realize (at least in STL) that they are smelling garbage lining the sidewalks, not roses (unless they are rich and in West County).
4) Function as a Corporation
We used to check with our parents to confirm we were allowed to hang out with our friends - and that ended around age 18. But somehow, when my buddies start dating I get: "Let me check with my girlfriend to make sure I can do X, Y, Z with you." Really, you need approval from the suits on the top floor?
3) Try to Make More Couples
Most couples are happy, but they live vicariously through their single friends. Also, they think there is something wrong with people if they are single too long (not in the cult). So, they take it upon themselves to make everyone else behave like them.
2) Tell Inside Jokes
It's no fun listening to couples crack inside jokes while we are out. It's similar to visiting their apartment, only to be subjected to their self-shot vacation-video heart-sinking fun.
1) Disappear
Sometimes I feel like Michael J. Fox in Back to the Future, carrying a picture of me and my buddy around; as that buddy gets deeper into his relationship, his image slowly disappears from my picture. Sad. I guess it's tough to balance when you're really into someone, but you can't forget your friends and (more importantly) family.
What couple behavior annoys you the most? Do you agree with mine, or am I just a bit too bitter?
